after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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