Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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