Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
