Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
