Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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