I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
