smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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