dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
