The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
