My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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