come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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