Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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