At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
