Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
