I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
