the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
