Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
