You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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