I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
