There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
