If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
