you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
