She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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