I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
