I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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