they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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