walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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