we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
