Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
