How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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