WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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