Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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