Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
