He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
