No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Randomize
