Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
