where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
