She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
