Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
