One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
