I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
