is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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