can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
