How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My bed smells like the plague
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
