Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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