oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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