Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it because I queefed?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
