I'm jealous of your bromance
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
