I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
