I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
