i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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